“I am the main character.”

“I owe myself everything.”

“I’m building a life I love.”

“Self over everything”

“Unbothered”

Aren’t these self-help mantras everywhere you look? From social media to self-help books and podcasts, they seem to be ubiquitous! Self-care and self-help are undoubtedly experiencing a moment of reckoning in today’s world. However, if you believe this shift in public perception is a recent development, think again. This concept is not new; rather, its widespread visibility is a more recent phenomenon. Unfortunately, the Muslim community has also found itself caught in this trend. While Islam does promote self-care and self-help, it may not align with the way modern influencers present these ideas.

And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein. (Surah Qaf 50:16)

Our creator knew what our innermost thoughts and desires are. And Allah swt has promised in the Qur’an that He will give us what our hearts desire, the duniya or the akhira.

And it is not [possible] for one to die except by permission of Allāh at a decree determined. And whoever desires the reward of this world – We will give him thereof; and whoever desires the reward of the Hereafter - We will give him thereof. And we will reward the grateful. (Surah Ale-Imran 3:145)

From the very beginning of Islam, self-care and nourishment have been encouraged. Mindfulness can be compared to the practice of Tahajjud, in which one rises in the early hours before dawn to engage in a personal conversation with the ultimate therapist and problem-solver, our Rabb. Furthermore, the modern mantra of gratitude and sharing with those less fortunate aligns with Islamic teachings. Allah (SWT) has emphasised the importance of gratitude, stating in Surah Rahman, “Which of the favours of your Rabb will you deny?”

So then why are we at this position in life where we feel alone and the line with the therapist ever increasing? Maybe because somewhere in this journey of modern living, we have lost the deep sense of connection with our identities as Muslims. The erosion of value systems, the gradual drifting away of families and relationships in the pursuit of worldly wealth, powerful positions, and ludicrous luxuries, has contributed significantly to this void. The question to ask is, have we always been like this? Have we seen anything better?

The birth of the Muslim community took place with the arrival of Prophethood in the blessed lands of Makkah and later Medina. Its earliest members set a standard for business, politics, philanthropy and asceticism that, despite our best efforts, remains out of reach for us in the contemporary world.

Abu Bakr (RA) used his wealth to emancipate the slaves who were oppressed by the Quraysh. He used his wealth and the privilege of being an important person to the service of the weak exclusively for the pleasure of Allah***. Uthman ibn Affan*** (RA), another wealthy businessman who would put any modern philanthropist to shame. He purchased wells and equipped the army without showing off, and to date has a bank account in his name, earning multiple rewards from the lands that he purchased for the Muslim community. Umar Ibn-al Khattab (RA), another influencer who not only shaped how the modern state should run but also led by example how a leader should lead and conduct themselves in every situation. Zayd Ibn Thabit (RA) was an exemplary person in the field of languages. He was not only one of the scribes of the Prophet and was tasked with collecting all the written Qur’an, but also learnt languages like Hebrew in record time to help the Prophet understand the dynamics of the opponents.

Musab Ibn Umair (RA), the elitist of the elite young men of Makkah, gave up his life of luxury and embraced the religion with such conviction that luxuries were replaced with coarse, patched clothes. He was endowed with such beautiful wisdom that he went to Medina as the ambassador of the Prophet and was responsible for teaching all the people about the matters of religion. And eventually he went on to be martyred in the Battle of Uhud, a young man, for whom his shroud even fell short. Ayesha bint Abi Bakr (RA), the honourable wife of the Prophet. A most accomplished teacher of the religion. The female who narrated the most hadiths. Companions of the Prophet were amongst her students as well. She was also accomplished in other matters relating to linguistic talents, ethics, medicine, and more.

The examples are far too many to list here. The point being highlighted here is that each of these used their unique set of talents, influence, and wealth in pursuit of pleasing Allah, while at the same time taking nothing away from who they were.

As Muslims today, we are often caught in the conundrums of who and what we want to be at one time. We feel that sacrificing something about ourselves will help us gain a worldly advantage. And thus began the centuries-long battle for power, prestige and prosperity. History stands as a testament to the strife that grew within the community over this. In fact, today in our little homes and little families, this persists, with a little variance. However, in some cases, it is indeed a case of circumstances. Living under oppression, where one may be forced to trade religion for life. Most of us, though, are in slightly different situations, and things can be altered with perhaps a little change in perspective. The following words of Umar (RA) at the victory of Persia help understand perspectives a bit more:

Ibn Rajab reported: When the treasures of Khosrau were opened for Umar ibn al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, he wept, and he said, “Verily, the likes of this were never opened for people but that Allah made it a source of enmity between them.” Source: Kashf al-Kurbah 1/318 (htt2)

Umar (RA) feared what exactly our modern problem is. Capitalism and the incessant need for extravagance in our everyday lives. We are caught up in the vicious cycle of how big, how fast, how much we can get. However, if you change perspectives, the same questions are framed differently. How big a difference can this make to the community? How much faster can we educate the people? How much can the community benefit?

The choice is always ours, and it’s usually a simple one, but we don’t like simple anymore. We like complicated.

Have you noticed that during Umrah or Hajj, you might see someone handing out dates to fellow pilgrims, where social status fades away, and everyone shares and enjoys. In the Prophet’s mosque, strangers offer sweets to children, and parents trustingly accept. Would you see such trust elsewhere? Likely not in the UK, where accepting sweets from strangers is unheard of. We are a truly unique community, capable of some amazing things. We just need a slight change in perspective. A step in that direction would be to resume “Reading” and “Reflecting.” We are a community founded on the word “Iqra,” meaning “read.” Read about the religion. Read about the life of the Prophet. Read about the pious Sahabas.

The hallmark of previous generations was their genuine love for one another for the sake of Allah, as they collaborated for the collective good and the rewards of the hereafter. It is essential that we revive this spirit and embody it in every aspect of our lives. Share our strengths and support those weak without wanting anything except Allah’s pleasure in return. Many of us may find ourselves grappling with jealousy, often masked as a desire to be the best or to outdo others. This is a common struggle we all face at some point.

Umm Salama (RA), the wife of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), upon receiving his proposal for marriage, expressed jealousy as a weakness, admitting that he might not appreciate it. (htt4) In response, he prayed for her to overcome this jealousy, and, Alhamdulillah, she did. This incident reminds us that we all have our weaknesses, but with sincere intention and dua, there is always a path towards self-improvement.

We must reaffirm the teachings of the Prophet: “None of you will have faith until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself”. ****(htt5).” (Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 13, Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 45). Though this may seem straightforward, it is often challenging. We tend to be kind to strangers, yet interactions within our families can be much more complex. Change and charity begin at home, and this transformation can ripple out into society, fostering the change we all desire.

Ramadan serves as a beautiful opportunity to showcase our exemplary behaviour. If we can embody this spirit for one month, surely, with greater effort, we can extend it beyond that time.